I dreamed I was packing a bag of clothes for Aaron. I think Dave had packed the bag, and I was a bit annoyed that he packed Aaron's stuff in an orange reusable shopping bag. There were some random books or something on the top that I took out, and then I went through the clothes which appeared to be random t shirts, with some worn looking socks and underwear on the bottom. I thought: how shabby this looks. These clothes looks so shabby, and we didn't even pack his stuff in a proper piece of luggage. The clothes were small so Aaron must have been about 10 or so. We were sending him away. I had a sense that it looked like we didn't care because of the random assortment of rags we were sending him off with and the orange shopping bag. I also thought: he cant take those books. They wont let him have them.
This dream woke me up in the middle of the night.
I am sending my child away. My little boy. It is shabby. I will pack his nice stuff in a proper bag for him. Its kind of the last thing I can do for my son before he is no longer dependent on me.
I feel awful about all of this. I don't know how it went so wrong. I don't think I tried hard enough. I wasn't willing to be that strict and that unpleasant. I should have shifted my work schedule to sit with him and do homework and I should have done that when he was in 5th grade onward. Maybe he would have done better; maybe this would have made school so unpleasant that worse things would have happened. I don't know.
I keep being reminded that this may be our last chance to set him right and get him graduated from high school. He wants to go to college but certainly can't with his current situation. So maybe this is for the best. I am worried about making everything that much worse because he loves his music and we are taking that away. I am worried that this is precisely the *wrong* thing for him.
If he continues to draw the attention of the police, though, they will lose their sense of humor. Especially after he turns 18.
He is so nice to talk to when he chooses to talk to us. Since I have to drive him to school we have been having great conversations in the car. It has been so enjoyable. He has so much to offer the world.
This dream woke me up in the middle of the night.
I am sending my child away. My little boy. It is shabby. I will pack his nice stuff in a proper bag for him. Its kind of the last thing I can do for my son before he is no longer dependent on me.
I feel awful about all of this. I don't know how it went so wrong. I don't think I tried hard enough. I wasn't willing to be that strict and that unpleasant. I should have shifted my work schedule to sit with him and do homework and I should have done that when he was in 5th grade onward. Maybe he would have done better; maybe this would have made school so unpleasant that worse things would have happened. I don't know.
I keep being reminded that this may be our last chance to set him right and get him graduated from high school. He wants to go to college but certainly can't with his current situation. So maybe this is for the best. I am worried about making everything that much worse because he loves his music and we are taking that away. I am worried that this is precisely the *wrong* thing for him.
If he continues to draw the attention of the police, though, they will lose their sense of humor. Especially after he turns 18.
He is so nice to talk to when he chooses to talk to us. Since I have to drive him to school we have been having great conversations in the car. It has been so enjoyable. He has so much to offer the world.
posted by The Queen at 11:24 AM
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